My life, on tumblr. Probably the most realistic me you can find online. Which means I am NSFW most of the time, offensive other times, and the rest of the time I am just weird.

 

Anonymous asked
Hey there, just a little anon to let you know you're a great person and you make a lot people smile! :D

Thank you *hug*

Anonymous asked
Could you explain the whole "i don’t really have depression, i’m actually just a lazy piece of shit" = you've got depression, thing? It rang a bell for me and I'd like to know what you meant. Thanks :)

roachpatrol:

one of the most insidious things about depression is it doesn’t ‘feel’ like depression. even when you have it, you know you have it, you’ve been diagnosed—you still find yourself thinking, no, nope, this isn’t it, can’t be. it’s like the mental illness equivalent of that knight in monty python that keeps going ‘it’s a flesh wound! i’m fine, really! this is just a scratch, i’ll be up in a moment!’ even after all his limbs have been hacked off and he’s lying there helpless.

one of the most common narratives around it is that no one realizes they have depression until they start checking off what they consider to be normal aspects of their lives—and personal character flaws— against the checklist for depression symptoms. really key symptoms include:

  1. lack of motivation
  2. constant tiredness, even exhaustion
  3. finding no pleasure or satisfaction in activities they used to like, or that they know should feel good
  4. not seeing the point of doing anything
  5. increased and even unmanageable anxiety and fearfulness

any one of these symptoms drains away your ability to do work, cope with setbacks, overcome difficulties, or stop procrastinating. multiple symptoms create a pretty perfect storm of intertia and anxious self-loathing. you stop doing anything because it’s hard to get going, unpleasant while you’re at it, and afterwards there’s no reward. why bother, right? and when you’re always tired you get conservative of what little energy you can manage, and when you only feel emotions on the ‘empty to miserable’ spectrum you get really aversive to making mistakes. the whole mess very quickly and very insidiously loads every single thing in your life with toxic emotional baggage.   

and then someone says to you— or you say to yourself, ‘stop being lazy’. and that haunts you forever. because you’re lazy! the work is so easy. everyone else does it. everyone but you, you lazy asshole, lying around all day not doing this totally easy thing that you should be able to but aren’t. you don’t have depression! of course not. mental illness is for victims, is for blameless innocent people who can’t be blamed for being so understandably sick. but you can be blamed. you have a character flaw, and it’s getting worse by the minute. 

and that is how people who have been diagnosed, who have been medicated, who have been through therapy, can still spend all day hiding in bed and chewing themselves up over their failure to just somehow magically be a good, healthy, useful person, instead of treating themselves to a sick day and saying ‘yup! it’s depression. i need to be kind to myself.’

Who am I to you? Anonymously leave a fruit or two in my inbox.

Apple: I haven't really taken notice of you so far.

Honeydew: You fascinate me.

Banana: You annoy me.

Mullberry: Mostly I tolerate you on my dash.

Cherry: You make me uncomfortable.

Orange: I love your blog, but I'm not very interested in you personally.

Grapefruit: I don't care so much for your blog, but I'm rather interested in you as a person.

Kiwi: Love your blog, equally interested in you as a person.

Pineapple: I think about you even when I'm not on tumblr.

Rasberry: I'm not even aware I'm re-blogging from you when I do.

Strawberry: I wasn't even aware I was following you. How did that happen?

Mango: I wouldn't mind talking to you if you ever messaged me, but it's not that big of a deal to me.

Green Apple: I would really like to talk to you, but I never will initiate it.

Guava: I have no interest in talking with you on here.

Blueberry: Sometimes, I like and re-blog posts from you just to get your attention.

Cantaloupe: I often avoid liking and re-blogging your post so I don't draw your attention.

Watermelon: I'm not very interested in you or your blog, I'm just too lazy to unfollow you.

Elderberry: I've anon-ed you something personal before.

Pumpkin: I've anon-ed you a compliment before.

Kumquat: I've anon-ed you hate before.

Lemon: Never anon-ed you before, probably won't again.

Lime: We've never talked and I prefer to keep it that way.

Papaya: We used to talk but we don't anymore and that makes me sad.

Rhubarb: We used to talk and we don't anymore and I prefer it that way.

Tangerine: We talk on here sometimes and I want it to continue.

Plum: Meh.

Reblog if you honestly have NEVER sent anon hate.

matt-tetska:

mamahartbig:

It pains me that only 14,000 people can honestly reblog this

The only time I ever sent hate it was not anonymous and I was like, 12 or something.

I don’t send hate at all :x never ends well.

pudgemouthjin:

therunawayguys-confessions:

Confession #161


I love how Lucah makes pudgy girls look beautiful. Heck, she even made me feel better about myself.



Just a reminder that every body type is beautiful!

You are all beautiful!

pudgemouthjin:

therunawayguys-confessions:

Confession #161

I love how Lucah makes pudgy girls look beautiful. Heck, she even made me feel better about myself.

Just a reminder that every body type is beautiful!

You are all beautiful!

Unused emote (3/?)

I did a few for Jirard that I can’t remember if I ever got around to showing him…

Unused emote (3/?)

I did a few for Jirard that I can’t remember if I ever got around to showing him…

chugninjon reblogged your post and added:

that would have been perfect for protonDisappointed.

Totally! Twitch denied it multiple times :(